i have no interest in entertaining the goals and dreams of another;
this is my journey and i refuse to be veered off course.
i'm hopeful these days,
full of optimism.
my life is about to take an exciting new route
and i'll be damned if i don't hold the reigns.
i've seen many women on the side of their own road;
they've been broken down,
typically by a man and/or shattered spirits
arising out of empty promises.
i've pulled over and stopped a few times,
to see how they are,
to offer positivity towards a new path,
or to selfishly fuel-up on reasoning behind my solitariness.
the stories they offer are remarkably similar
in that they have:
the same beginning
[of setting out to conquer the world],
a monotonous middle
[frequently including the meeting of a man],
and the synonymous end
[entailing the adopting of her mate's dreams as her own,
diluting her original passion with his (or lack thereof) ,
acquiring "him" as her very existence,
erasing her].
and they look so dead,
their longing eyes are filled with what never was.
all too often a woman willingly
forgets her identity for "security" and "love",
although these words,
in their truest meaning,
are often misconstrued
and prove to not be nearly enough
to fill the void
and the loss,
of her.
i fear losing myself-
only to be morphed into a man that reeks of dependence
and fears a woman that has dreams of her own.
this is why i don't mind flirting with "love"
and sharing my heart for today,
only to take it back tomorrow.
because i don't have thoughts of forever-
not until i've grasped my own existence
and can stand next to a man,
instead of being stranded at his feet.
this is my journey and i refuse to be veered off course.
i'm hopeful these days,full of optimism.
my life is about to take an exciting new route
and i'll be damned if i don't hold the reigns.
i've seen many women on the side of their own road; they've been broken down,
typically by a man and/or shattered spirits
arising out of empty promises.
i've pulled over and stopped a few times,
to see how they are,
to offer positivity towards a new path,
or to selfishly fuel-up on reasoning behind my solitariness.
the stories they offer are remarkably similar
in that they have:
the same beginning
[of setting out to conquer the world],
a monotonous middle
[frequently including the meeting of a man],
and the synonymous end
[entailing the adopting of her mate's dreams as her own,
diluting her original passion with his (or lack thereof) ,
acquiring "him" as her very existence,
erasing her].
and they look so dead,
their longing eyes are filled with what never was.
all too often a woman willinglyforgets her identity for "security" and "love",
although these words,
in their truest meaning,
are often misconstrued
and prove to not be nearly enough
to fill the void
and the loss,
of her.
i fear losing myself- only to be morphed into a man that reeks of dependence
and fears a woman that has dreams of her own.
this is why i don't mind flirting with "love" and sharing my heart for today,
only to take it back tomorrow.
because i don't have thoughts of forever-
not until i've grasped my own existence
and can stand next to a man,
instead of being stranded at his feet.
across the universe V
after only a couple nights in valencia, we boarded a train and were northbound for barcelona.
"barcelona is a beach city that seems much more awake than the lazy days of valencia. the culture here is bright and exciting- it has much of the same feel as los angeles, which is something i wanted to avoid; however, the memories in the U.S. are incomparable to those i am making in spain. here i am forced to appreciate the beauty in everything, which is much easier because i don't have the materialistic pollutants of home, as well as being engulfed in a culture that is filled with history, tradition, unworldly architecture and such.
"the beaches are crowded and lively. since the ocean is calm and shallow, you can look out to see many couples making love in the water. all women are topless, ranging from the young and beautiful to elderly women with saggy breasts and asses that hardly fit into their barely-there bottoms. i feel much more comfortable exposing my body here, it almost feels that i'd stand out more if i were clothed. i have continued to put my top on while walking to the water, but rip it off as soon as i get far enough out that i feel that i am the only one alive. it's a freeing feeling that i can hardly explain- i am nude without being exposed, it's a satisfaction that i never knew i craved. it's a pity that many will never feel water glide over their bare breasts. it makes me feel more feminine than ever.
"our new home is another hostel, again many flights up from the entrance. we figure that we have been averaging at least 12 miles everyday as well as 40 flights of stairs, with the occasional bike ride. we have refused the services of taxis, buses and asking for directions. we feel this is our journey and it will only be truly accomplished with our own skills and feet.
"i can feel my body becoming increasingly toned every morning. i have never felt more healthy; my days are filled with exercise, sunshine, saltwater and fresh fruits and vegetables. this is the life i have always dreamed of.
"we were sharing a room with 6 others, jewish children in fact (which is quite a change). one day rick and i thought we had some time before the roomies returned from there chaperoned tour of the town; rick crawled into my lower bunk and we began kissing. we heard the door open, saw a 12 year old walk in, glance at us and runback out. we kind of giggled and began kissing again. moments later the chaperon entered the room and began screaming at us in his foreign tongue. we came to quickly realize (with the help of a translator) that he was ashamed of our existence and was disgusted by our lust. rick and i couldn't help but take it pretty lightly and didn't see why it was such a big deal. after arguing [through the translator] for some time, it was decided that rick and i needed to switch rooms (duh). we were "exiled" to our own room that included a bathroom all our own-- we were elated, having shared a room with at least 6 other people and a bathroom with countless travelers for the past few weeks. ha. 
"there is much to see in barcelona, so much so that we feel we are missing out on places we don't even know exist. we are still sure to visit as many cathedrals as possible, it's become much of our passion. as well as eat, eat, eat!! i will desperately miss espana, but there is no doubt that i will return one day."
after only a couple nights in valencia, we boarded a train and were northbound for barcelona. "barcelona is a beach city that seems much more awake than the lazy days of valencia. the culture here is bright and exciting- it has much of the same feel as los angeles, which is something i wanted to avoid; however, the memories in the U.S. are incomparable to those i am making in spain. here i am forced to appreciate the beauty in everything, which is much easier because i don't have the materialistic pollutants of home, as well as being engulfed in a culture that is filled with history, tradition, unworldly architecture and such.
"the beaches are crowded and lively. since the ocean is calm and shallow, you can look out to see many couples making love in the water. all women are topless, ranging from the young and beautiful to elderly women with saggy breasts and asses that hardly fit into their barely-there bottoms. i feel much more comfortable exposing my body here, it almost feels that i'd stand out more if i were clothed. i have continued to put my top on while walking to the water, but rip it off as soon as i get far enough out that i feel that i am the only one alive. it's a freeing feeling that i can hardly explain- i am nude without being exposed, it's a satisfaction that i never knew i craved. it's a pity that many will never feel water glide over their bare breasts. it makes me feel more feminine than ever.
"our new home is another hostel, again many flights up from the entrance. we figure that we have been averaging at least 12 miles everyday as well as 40 flights of stairs, with the occasional bike ride. we have refused the services of taxis, buses and asking for directions. we feel this is our journey and it will only be truly accomplished with our own skills and feet.
"i can feel my body becoming increasingly toned every morning. i have never felt more healthy; my days are filled with exercise, sunshine, saltwater and fresh fruits and vegetables. this is the life i have always dreamed of.
"we were sharing a room with 6 others, jewish children in fact (which is quite a change). one day rick and i thought we had some time before the roomies returned from there chaperoned tour of the town; rick crawled into my lower bunk and we began kissing. we heard the door open, saw a 12 year old walk in, glance at us and runback out. we kind of giggled and began kissing again. moments later the chaperon entered the room and began screaming at us in his foreign tongue. we came to quickly realize (with the help of a translator) that he was ashamed of our existence and was disgusted by our lust. rick and i couldn't help but take it pretty lightly and didn't see why it was such a big deal. after arguing [through the translator] for some time, it was decided that rick and i needed to switch rooms (duh). we were "exiled" to our own room that included a bathroom all our own-- we were elated, having shared a room with at least 6 other people and a bathroom with countless travelers for the past few weeks. ha. 
"there is much to see in barcelona, so much so that we feel we are missing out on places we don't even know exist. we are still sure to visit as many cathedrals as possible, it's become much of our passion. as well as eat, eat, eat!! i will desperately miss espana, but there is no doubt that i will return one day."
we knew our romance had an expiration date, after all, he did belong to another country.we didn't see the harm of rushing into "love" because he'd be gone before either of us had to be realistic.
one summer day we went to the beach. our hands' held one another tight while we jumped into the waves and rolled in the sand.
at day's end we quietly watched the sun sink into the ocean.
he was matter-of-fact when he broke the silence and said, "this is the way people meet, fall in love, and spend the rest of their lives together. these are the types of hardships love must overcome. this is our story and we'll be telling it to our children someday."
i hope he remembers his promises.
he was matter-of-fact when he broke the silence and said, "this is the way people meet, fall in love, and spend the rest of their lives together. these are the types of hardships love must overcome. this is our story and we'll be telling it to our children someday."
i hope he remembers his promises.
across the universe IV
i became absolutely in love with watching other cultures prepare their meals- there seemed to be a few groups of women traveling from northern europe; they sang songs as they prepared their extravagant feasts and seemed to love the tradition of communal cooking. there were also many italians; i noticed that they liked to decorate their tables ornately with fresh flowers that they had picked from around town. i typically did the cooking for rick and i (as a contribution to the team effort) and would spend a lot of time in the kitchen gaining little tips from all around the world.
our first morning i made a friend with shannon, a canadian that had the bottom bunk. she had the most amusing, fun laugh and she had so many stories about traveling all over the world all by herself.
we decided to hit the beach with our new friend! i was so excited to get in the water! the beach was crowded and fun! the water was very calm (no waves, which i am not used to ,being from SoCal). the ocean floor was very shallow and i was able to walk about 100 feet out. the water was also saltier, so i would just float way out there and relax, dreaming about my reality.
after quite a long pep talk with myself, i took my top off! it was SO liberating!! i'd lay topless, put my top back on for walking, and take it back off in the water when i'd get far out enough to be alone.
shannon taught me to buy a little box of wine (they come in about a quart-sized carton), for just under a euro, and mix it with a bit of coke!! (this would become my staple throughout europe and i still use it to make bad wine tolerable).
i'm really happy to have a gal around, i missed "girl talk".
valencia is beautiful, but i'm excited for our next stop!
we were so happy to get back to madrid and collect our belongings. unfortunately, we missed our train out of madrid by 7 minutes- after our long night in pamplona, we were pretty bummed. we slept at the train station for 6 hours, waiting for the next train to valencia, spain.
the journey to the hostel was quite a long walk, especially in the intense heat and humidity! we were tempted to take a taxi, but didn't want to give in so easily!
the hostel, "purple nest", was one of the coolest i have seen-- it was many stories high and had a colorful patio at the top for parties and bbqs! all the rooms/beds allowed for many different people!
the journey to the hostel was quite a long walk, especially in the intense heat and humidity! we were tempted to take a taxi, but didn't want to give in so easily!
the hostel, "purple nest", was one of the coolest i have seen-- it was many stories high and had a colorful patio at the top for parties and bbqs! all the rooms/beds allowed for many different people!
i became absolutely in love with watching other cultures prepare their meals- there seemed to be a few groups of women traveling from northern europe; they sang songs as they prepared their extravagant feasts and seemed to love the tradition of communal cooking. there were also many italians; i noticed that they liked to decorate their tables ornately with fresh flowers that they had picked from around town. i typically did the cooking for rick and i (as a contribution to the team effort) and would spend a lot of time in the kitchen gaining little tips from all around the world.our first morning i made a friend with shannon, a canadian that had the bottom bunk. she had the most amusing, fun laugh and she had so many stories about traveling all over the world all by herself.
we decided to hit the beach with our new friend! i was so excited to get in the water! the beach was crowded and fun! the water was very calm (no waves, which i am not used to ,being from SoCal). the ocean floor was very shallow and i was able to walk about 100 feet out. the water was also saltier, so i would just float way out there and relax, dreaming about my reality.
after quite a long pep talk with myself, i took my top off! it was SO liberating!! i'd lay topless, put my top back on for walking, and take it back off in the water when i'd get far out enough to be alone.
shannon taught me to buy a little box of wine (they come in about a quart-sized carton), for just under a euro, and mix it with a bit of coke!! (this would become my staple throughout europe and i still use it to make bad wine tolerable).
i'm really happy to have a gal around, i missed "girl talk". valencia is beautiful, but i'm excited for our next stop!
dealing with an imbecile
take one
take one
she glanced down at her phone as it rang, the name of a certain somebody that she despised displayed. she looked up at the sky and thought, "why?". in the moments of the next 2 rings she remembered how it felt to work up the courage to call a man only to be sent to voice mail.
she: hello ______.
he: hey baby, i miss you.
she: you miss me? how so?
he: well, i just miss you. all of you.
she: but, you don't even know me.
he: yes, i do know you. and i like it all.
she: no, you don't know me. we had one date, and it was awful.
he: it wasn't awful- we had a lot of fun! we are such a good match, how don't you see that?
she: we did not have fun. i had a miserable time. in fact, i distinctly remember telling you that 'i hate you' multiple times during dinner. and then, i left the dinner early and when you followed me to my car i told you to not walk near me or talk to me.
he: oh babe, don't be like that. fine, maybe we got into a couple of arguments. BUT, after that night we NEVER argued again!?!
she: that's because i refused to hang out with you again.
he: well, whatever. maybe you just needed another drink to get used to me.
she: _____, i shouldn't have to get drunk to be able to hang out with someone. listen, let it go. and with that, i have to go. take care.
he: babe, wait---
click.
she: hello ______.
he: hey baby, i miss you.
she: you miss me? how so?
he: well, i just miss you. all of you.
she: but, you don't even know me.
he: yes, i do know you. and i like it all.
she: no, you don't know me. we had one date, and it was awful.
he: it wasn't awful- we had a lot of fun! we are such a good match, how don't you see that?
she: we did not have fun. i had a miserable time. in fact, i distinctly remember telling you that 'i hate you' multiple times during dinner. and then, i left the dinner early and when you followed me to my car i told you to not walk near me or talk to me.
he: oh babe, don't be like that. fine, maybe we got into a couple of arguments. BUT, after that night we NEVER argued again!?!
she: that's because i refused to hang out with you again.
he: well, whatever. maybe you just needed another drink to get used to me.
she: _____, i shouldn't have to get drunk to be able to hang out with someone. listen, let it go. and with that, i have to go. take care.
he: babe, wait---
click.
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