i have a nasty habit of falling in love with the flawed;

it's an absolute tendency of mine to attempt to have a relationship with a misfit.

i am not sure if i do this because i want to be a hero

OR

if i know it is an impossible endeavor,

and therefore,

i subconsciously set myself up for a perpetual broken heart.

i read your blog the other day.

oh yeah? what did you think?

i think that you are completely unrealistic,

that you have too high of standards,

and that you just might die alone if you keep all this up.

yes, yes, and an absolute yes.

but listen, i'm not one to settle for mediocrity-

not when i have this one life to live and this one life to give to someone.

"he" doesn't exist.

what if you find someone that you love and

he only measures up half-way?

then it's not him.

simple.

 a few men in my life:

i don't mind dying;

i just hope that i can appreciate my last breath.

lesson learned: if you are fooled, no biggie- 

just don't lose your pants over it.

i've been trying to get over you since the day we met.

scene 1 & only

the character of "she" to be played by a young woman who already knows the answers to her questions; she is a girl of a very high echelon of both looks and brains.

the character of "he" to be played by a young man of inconsistence; he has mastered the art of arrogance as well as self-deprecation.

she: do you even like me?

he: liking you is unconducive to my lifestyle.

wait. why? are you breaking up with me?

the end.

there is only one "you".

i would love you forever.

but you already knew that.

i would.i would.i would.

i thought it was perfectly aligned.

i thought.i thought.i thought.

the obvious explanation is that he never existed anyway.

some key players:

i was hanging couch side with my surrogate boyfriend. we realized that we were coming up on 3 years of him being my not-boyfriend and void-filler. *note: this is a completely non-sexual relationship

"shit. man, you've seen me through like 28 loves-of my-life."

"sure have sweetie. so, how's about you just go ahead and call it a day and give up."

"whatever. easy for you to say now- now that you have a real girlfriend."

"ha. yeah. it is pretty easy to say now."

motherf*er.

am i the only one that parallels my likeness to lennie?

i love it til i kill it.

sad life i live.

ain't that the kicker

i was recently reminded [by a someone] that i am absolutely awful at dating. and since this 'someone' has first-hand knowledge of my eccentric nature, i guess i have to listen. he didn't tell me anything i didn't know, he just reimposed the idea that i might just be better off as a perpetual dreamer of romance instead of an active participant.

"it's so strange- you'd think you'd be a lot better at this. i mean, your outlook on love is so ideal."

"yeah, don't i know it! the key is that both parties have to be extremely willing. we have to be in it together."

i need a man that has enough patience for my impatience.

turns out to be very difficult to come by.

don't let 'the truth' get in the way of a good story.

a man after my very own heart

for our first date we decided to go camping- naturally. i mean, what better way to get to know someone then on the brink of death struggling for survival? OR, in our case, staying the night in a tent 7 minutes off the 5 fwy?

after finding our way to a very luxurious plot of reserved dirt, we assumed gender-based roles and set up our home. he focused on constructing our fort and starting the fire while i set up kitchen and eventually sipped on beer, providing moral support to 'said he'. after completion of all necessary thought-based actions, we consumed some magic and were beach bound.

the trail shimmered and 'pathed our pave' toward the water. he focused on people and their strange ways while i pointed to every leaved creature and gasped in awe. i'm sure our fuzziness added to the beauty and complexities, but nonetheless, our excursion was full of shared entertainment and our nerves slowly untangled.

we quickly became an entity and knew that we were partners on this journey for the long haul.

eventually our 'trip' led us to the beach and we melted into the sand.

the view of the ocean was prime pickin', but instead we leaned our focus on everything but. we spent hours dissecting all that was before us while foreseeing robot invasions and unfolding 'big brother' conspiracies. we laughed together and hated a world that didn't allow smiles. our bodies gravitated closer. he was my exact counterpart.

eventually our gaze drifted to the western horizon. "sweet jesus," i said, "now that's amazing. i hope i can remember this exact vision forever."

"what?" he said, "the 18 shades of blue? i'll be there to remind you."

we honestly considered never leaving that world, and thought that dying sea side wasn't such a bad idea. typically i would have held on to those moments forever and refused reality until the very last second... but, for some strange reason, i just knew there were more adventures to be had.

how about we fall in love and then get to know one another?

i smile at the sentiment of you searching your sheets 

for my lingering scent.